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At times, a 22-year-old from Los Angeles feels he is “the greatest person on planet Earth”. Having received an NPD diagnosis, his grandiose moments can become “really delusional”, he admits. “You are on cloud nine and you think, ‘People will see that I surpass everyone else … I’ll do great things for the world’.”

For Spring, these phases of exaggerated self-worth are often succeeded by a “crash”, where he feels sensitive and embarrassed about his actions, making him particularly vulnerable to criticism from others. He first suspected he might have NPD after looking up his traits on the internet – and was later diagnosed by a professional. However, he questions he would have taken the label if he hadn’t already reached that understanding personally. “If you try to tell somebody that they have this disorder, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he says – especially if they harbor a sense of being better. They operate in an altered state that they’ve constructed. And within that framework, I am superior and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Defining NPD

Although people have been identified with narcissism for decades, definitions vary what people refer to as the term. It’s common to label everybody a narcissist,” states an expert in narcissism, who believes the word is “applied too broadly” – but when it comes to a formal diagnosis, he believes many people conceal it, as there is so much stigma associated with the disorder. Someone with NPD will tend to have “an inflated view of oneself”, “difficulty understanding others’ feelings”, and “a pattern of manipulating others to seek admiration through things like pursuing power,” the expert says. Those with NPD may be “deeply egotistical”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he states.

I’ve never cared about anyone really, so I didn’t invest in relationships seriously

Gender Differences in Narcissism

While three-quarters of people diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder are males, findings points out this figure does not mean there are less female narcissism, but that women with NPD is more often presented in the less obvious variety, which is often overlooked. “Men’s narcissism tends to be a bit more accepted, similar to everything in society,” says a young adult who discusses her NPD and borderline personality disorder (BPD) on social media. Frequently, the two disorders are comorbid.

Personal Struggles

It’s hard for me with dealing with feedback and not being accepted,” she shares, since when I’m told that the problem is me, I tend to switch to defence mode or I completely shut down.” Even with this response – which is known as “ego wounding”, she has been working to manage it and accept input from her loved ones, as she strives not to return into the negative conduct of her previous life. I used to be manipulative to my partners as a teenager,” she states. With professional help, she has been able to manage her condition better, and she explains she and her significant other “have a dynamic where we’ve agreed, ‘If I say something messed up, if my words are controlling, call it out {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

Her upbringing primarily in the care of her father and explains there was an absence of supportive figures in her youth. “I’ve been learning continuously the difference between suitable or harmful to say during a fight because I lacked that guidance in my formative years,” she comments. “Nothing was off-limits when my relatives were criticizing me when I was growing up.”

Underlying Factors of Narcissistic Traits

Conditions like NPD tend to be connected with childhood challenges. “There is a genetic component,” says an expert in personality disorders. But, when someone shows signs of narcissism, it is often “tied to that specific childhood circumstances”. Those traits were “a survival tactic in some ways to cope in formative years”, he continues, when they may have been neglected, or only shown love that was dependent on meeting particular demands. They then “persist in applying those identical strategies as adults”.

In common with many of the NPD-diagnosed people, John (a pseudonym) thinks his parents “could also have the disorder. The individual shares when he was a child, “the focus was always on them and their work and their social life. So it was like, stay out of our way.” When their attention turned to him, it came in the form of “significant demands to achieve high marks and life achievements, he says, which made him feel that if he didn’t fulfill their expectations, he wasn’t “good enough”.

In adulthood, none of his relationships were successful. Emotional investment was lacking about anyone really,” he admits. As a result, relationships weren’t relationships seriously.” He didn’t think loving someone, until he met his long-term relationship of three years, who is also dealing with a personality disorder, so, similar to his experience, has difficulty with feelings. She is “highly empathetic of the thoughts that occur in my head”, he explains – it was surprisingly, she who originally considered he might have NPD.

Seeking Help

After a visit to his general practitioner, an assessment was arranged to a mental health professional for an diagnosis and was told his diagnosis. He has been put forward for therapeutic sessions on the public health system (a long period of therapy is the primary approach that has been shown to help NPD patients, experts say), but has been on the treatment delay for 18 months: “They said it is probably going to be maybe February or March next year.”

Disclosure was limited to a handful of people about his condition, because “negative perceptions are widespread that all narcissists are abusers”, but, privately, he has accepted it. This understanding allows me to gain insight into my behavior, which is always a good thing,” he explains. Those interviewed have come to terms with NPD and are seeking help for it – hence being willing to talk about it – which is likely not typical of all people with the disorder. But the growth of individuals sharing their stories and the rise of online support communities indicate that {more narcissists|a growing number